So ever since college the subject of women in the workforce has intrigued me. It’s one of them modern issues I reckon everyone talks about it. Now I’ll preface all of this by saying that I was raised in a traditional household. I am not the best with women in general because I was never around them much growing up. I’m not saying lightning can’t strike with a lady at the local watering hole, I’m just saying that women in general are foreign to me. I will also say that my experience in the workforce resides mainly in construction and food and beverage, not a corporate setting. However, I have worked on projects with the XX chromosomes bearers (note to self: never call a lady that) in business classes and I can objectively extrapolate a real workplace environment.
That being said, women should stay at home sewing quilts and churning butter! Just kidding, no one churns butter. Okay, really I’m kidding. There is room for women in the workforce. Women in the workforce is a good thing; they bring completely unique points of view and despite popular 1950’s beliefs, they have brains capable of critical thinking! But when women in the workplace is mentioned the argument that follows is always that women get paid less. Yes this is true, but like Barry Bonds’ home run record, there should be an asterisk next to it. Women tend to get paid less money, but they also tend to work lower paying, more rewarding jobs. Teachers, counselors, aids, assistants, nurses, etc.
There are, of course, ladies in a corporate setting who do the same work as men only to receive less money. There are reasons why. For starters, it’s still kind of a new thing to have ladies working in a corporate setting. Most of the upper management employed at corporations lived during a time where the only women in the workforce were secretaries. Nothing more. These fuckers use to drink on the job! Okay maybe Mad Men trickled into my mind there, but most executives are old school. So their decisions may have that outdated discriminatory thinking behind it.
Um okay I’ll stop beating around the bush: Women will never get paid the same as men. Bear with me on this one. From a purely business point of view, it’s smart to pay women less money. They are technically more expensive and riskier to hire. Mitch you misogynistic pig! Let me explain. Okay women in a corporate setting: When do they get hired? Early twenties. Okay, a couple years goes by, now it’s prime-time to get married and start a family. Last I checked women are the only ones that can bear children. So business point of view, I have an employee that could eventually leave to raise kids. They say they are coming back, but who knows. Not to mention they are missing time, and we have to give them maternity leave? Damn yo, that’s a lot of dough.
There are women who don’t want to have kids, committed solely to moving up the corporate ladder, awesome. But from a purely business stand point, I can’t entirely trust that. As much as someone can say that, it’s genetically programmed for us to procreate. I could be committed to my job for a decade, but time wears down on a soul, and now you have a biological ticking clock on creating some mini me’s. The point is that as long as there are women, there will be procreation. Which means there is the possibility of them leaving. And traditionally speaking women, tend to raise the young’uns, so they leave forever, although a new trend of Mr. Moms has emerged. If we had a war requiring a draft, there is a chance I’m selected. I may not get picked, but the threat of me leaving is there. You wouldn’t give me a head honcho promotion during that time, you’d wait and see if I was your newest G.I. Joe. If I got picked, I’d most likely have a job when I came back. But no one knows for sure if I will come back. It’s a similar concept.
I think that being a mother is the most important job in the world. Mothers are the number one determinant of how a child turns out. Subpar moms produce subpar children. I think women who balance a full time job and a family are insane. I admire their work ethic but I personally think that the mothers who do both don’t entirely give themselves to their kids. Which means their kids miss out on nurturing, and some Freudian principle fucks them up in the future. Quite the generalization, I’m sure there are plenty of examples to prove me wrong, but that’s just my conservative train of thought. It stems from the thinking that if a woman has a child, the man that knocked her up bears the burden of providing for them because mothers are so damn important. They literally control the future. Women get paid less because they bear the responsibility of raising the future. Once a woman gets pregnant, they should never have to work another day in their life.
If you haven’t drafted your hate mail to me and you are still reading, thanks, there’s more. Now the fun stuff. Men working with women is difficult. Men are creepy animals who think about sex all the time. Men work jobs to impress ladies, making themselves more appealing to the opposite gender. When you mix men and women together in a workplace, two completely separate worlds collide for a man. Tooth paste and orange juice. The age old saying is you don’t mix business and pleasure. When there are ladies in the workplace, this subconsciously happens. Guys who are already thinking about sex all the time are now surrounded by forbidden fruit. When someone tells you not to do something, it makes you want to do it that much more, right? That’s what it’s like working with women. There are corporate rules that prevent workplace relationships, and that makes it even sexier. On top of that, men can now interact with women without the real threat of getting rejected! Computer nerds and frat boys can now talk with cubicle cuties who have to respond because it’s work, which means some guys will sprinkle seeds for the microscopically small chance that maybe, just maybe, that girl will want to fuck them. Something like this:
Guy: Tiffany, have you finished that report?
Tiffany: Not yet.
Guy: Okay no worries. You got lunch plans?
Tiffany: I brought lunch.
Guy: Alright, you look great by the way, have you been doing hot yoga?
Tiffany: None of your business.
Guy: Right. Let me know when you have that report.
As long as there are women in the workplace, they are going to be harassed. Women shouldn’t take it seriously. Obviously if a guy corners you groping your goodies, then yes you need to report him. But a guy politely harassing a girl, like the example above, is endearing. Women, when that happens you should treat it like a puppy taking a shit on the carpet. It should initially upset you, but just pat the guy on the head and realize he can’t help it. He doesn’t know any better. Harassment is a shining example of how men are slaves to you women. It just proves that guys will do anything for women. Women in the workplace is a guarantee that a man’s productivity will go down. How could it not? Every guy is like Michael Scott in “The Office” trying to impress Pam.
It’s even sexier when you have a lady who tries to run shit. One of those women who is gung-ho on being the best, who can get shit done and bosses folks around. That just makes a guy want to fuck her that much more. It’s disadvantageous for a woman to work hard; it triggers a desire to conquer for a man. Yes, men are that perverted. I don’t know what to tell you ladies, this is just how we are.
Let’s recap: women in the workplace is acceptable, duh. As for women getting paid completely equal, it doesn’t look likely, because women bear children, which is the most important job in the world. Women in the workplace hinders a man’s productivity because men are perverts who think about sex all the time. Women will be harassed in the workplace, because guys are pathetic around pussy, but they should try not to take it personally. 
