Verizon Wireless has purchased AOL for a whopping $4.4 billion. The blockbuster deal is what would be the greatest telecommunications deal of all-time… in 2000. Seriously Verizon, AOL? Verizon wishes to take advantage of the highly advanced logistics chain that AOL has established through its dial-up CD-Rom mailing program.
The mega-merger plans to combine the massive cellular network of Verizon with the really cool screen name infrastructure of AOL Instant Messenger. The acquisition of AOL gives Verizon access to the millions of octogenarians who have never changed their e-mail address and who still look out their window for their postal service when they hear their computer say “You’ve got mail.”
Verizon plans to use AOL in their development of a video service to provide multicast programming to their cell phone users who are taking a shit at work or stuck in traffic.
The merger has put other cellphone providers on edge. T-Mobile has launched their efforts to acquire the highly-sought after NetScape, while Sprint has zeroed in on merging with the “still-kicking” EarthLink.